9. ISA Self-assessment

Some of us have experienced the avoidance of sex as addictive, in some cases choosing to identify as “sexual anorexics”…afraid of sex because of its association in our minds with our addiction or with past sexual trauma, or because of a fear of intimacy and vulnerability. Trying to control our sexuality in this way is just another symptom of our disease. The solution lies in turning our will and lives over to the care of our Higher Power.

— Sex Addicts Anonymous, p. 72

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  1. Do you practice avoiding sexual thoughts, feelings or behaviors?
  2. Do you obsess about either having sex or avoiding it?
  3. Do you think sexuality is inherently bad or something to be ashamed about?
  4. Do you consistently ignore flirtation and sexual advances from others, purely based on fear?
  5. Are you drawn to unavailable people?
  6. Do you swing between addictive behavior (acting out) and avoidance behavior (acting in)?
  7. Are you afraid to combine emotional intimacy with sexuality?
  8. Do you start fights with your partner to avoid sexual relations?
  9. Are you emotionally unavailable?
  10. Do you only associate with people in large groups to avoid intimacy?
  11. Do you avoid social situations due to extreme discomfort?
  12. Are you sexual only in non-intimate situations?
  13. Do you have a hard time accepting nurturing?
  14. Do you resist trusting others out of concern for personal safety?
  15. Do you compulsively use masturbation, fantasy, and/or pornography?
  16. Do you mistake compulsive sexual avoidance for recovery?
  17. Have you been told you live in a fantasy world?
  18. Do you hide the joys and pains of your life from trusted friends or your partner due to self-pity, false pride and/or fear?

(Questions adapted from the list of avoidant behaviors found in the SAA pamphlet Intimacy Avoidance: Another Aspect of Sex Addiction.)

If any of these questions resonate with you, you’re invited to join an intimacy-focused meeting of SAA to learn more.

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